Puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks

Today has been a day where, at moments, I thought I would just melt into a crumpled up pile of tears. The day started off great. The tiny humans that I teach were in a great mood and the giggles were non-stop. At a little after ten o'clock this morning my biological Mom called. She left a message that I could barely understand. The tone and strain in her voice instantly told me that something was very wrong. I called her back as soon as I went on break.

She called to tell me that my oldest sister had died overnight. She had Lupus and the complications ravaged her body. She was 46. I got to see her last year and she barely could remember anything. I was thankful that she remembered me and was ecstatic to see me. Our contact had been very limited over the past 2 decades due to the estranged dysfunctional relationship I've had with my biological family.

The only thing I could think about was how awful it must be for my Mom to bury her firstborn daughter. I can't even begin to understand her pain. Then my heart broke for my nieces. I spoke with them shortly after speaking with my Mom. They are devastated. Lastly, my grief became inward for me because I was scheduled to leave for S. Africa in a little over 48 hours.

Going Deeper

As I do in most times I turned to God. I felt a strong affirmation that I am still to go to South Africa. In fact, I felt joy and beauty when my heart became peaceful over this thought of fulfilling this part of my life's journey. Here is were He lead my heart;

Luke 9:59-62

59 Jesus said to another, "Follow me." He said, "Certainly, but first excuse me for a couple of days, please. I have to make arrangements for my father's funeral."

60 Jesus refused. "First things first. Your business is life, not death. And life is urgent: Announce God's kingdom!"

61 Then another said, "I'm ready to follow you, Master, but first excuse me while I get things straightened out at home."

62 Jesus said, "No procrastination. No backward looks. You can't put God's kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day."

And to this I say, "Here am I, send me." Please pray for my family and please pray for me.