It's the most wonderful time of the year....almost

Well, the holidays are quickly approaching. For many people this means the gathering of loved ones, great food to eat and new memories to be made. For me it means....well, it means something that I can't even describe.

It's a mix of emotions and moods that last for varying amounts of times until about mid January. No matter what invitations I get, none feel right and no matter what option I choose, the roads lead to the same place. Perhaps I can best describe these feeling as a mix between watching someone you really love be seriously ill and being the last kid picked to play kickball. You really want to fix something that can't be

fixed and you want to be more importantly needed than a parking meter that has to be fed to avoid a ticket.

You want to know that something can't be unless you are the thing that makes it work. You want to know that there is an empty space at someone's table, couch or campsite because you are the person that usually occupies that place.

No matter how old you are, where you come from or how you got from there to here, you just want to know that you matter. Instead of letting this get me down, I look for ways to make sure I let other people know that they do matter. That they are missed and that my life can't be unless their life is a part of this world. I think this is how true inclusive love should be.

Because I'm fandom

Yes, fandom.....freaking + random = fandom. I don't know how I became the fandom person I am, but clearly it is my new normal. Today I had a million plans and canceled them all to do nothing. Not because I'm tired, overwhelmed or even disinterested. I have more energy than I know what to do with, most of my schedule is underwhelming, and I can even find something interesting about the inside of a brown paper bag. The only explanation I give to my schedule clearing, thumb flying texting this day is I'm fandom. So, please pardon me while I enjoy the rest of my fabulously fandom day.

Now or Never

There is no turning back, what I set in motion is about to explode and change my life forever. I can tell this is the start of something different and amazing. I just have to keep looking forward. The naysayers and negative grandstands have to fade from my mind. My success and ability to thrive is depending on it. It is most definitely now or never and I choose now!

Not afraid to be me

Why is it that when we have a conversation we have to hold back and put on a "face" for those we are speaking with. I have decided that unless it's work related I am going to let it all hang out.

I got a new puppy

Okay, for the last year I have been in mourning over the loss of my last two dogs Sage and Winnie. Due to circumstances beyound my control they found a new home on a 16 acre ranch in the Davenport area. I spoke with their new Mom and she adores them both, but I can't have them back. The good news is that they both love her too.

Recently, I gave into a really awesome inpusle buy. I got a dog. It was the best impulse buy I ever made. I absolutely love her. She is by far the sweetest and most gentle dog I have ever had. Her name is Gracey. I promise that even none dog lovers fall in love with her. Yep, she is just that sweeet. So folks, here she is Gracey the Great.......................