Pre/Post South Africa, triathlons and the power of faith

A Few Words...

Before I get too deep into things....let me just say a huge THANKS to all those who financially and prayerfully supported me through my mission trip to South Africa. It has been a life changing trip. If you want hear a few of the stories and experiences please call, text or email me. I can't possibly type them all out on this blog. If you want to see some of the beautiful men, women and children we had the joy of interacting with please view the album in the upper right hand corner of my blog......now back to my regularly scheduled program....

Pre-South Africa

I feel like their are now two me's....as if one was not enough. There is the me that left for South Africa nearly three weeks ago and there's the me I see in the mirror today. I can most definitely tell you these are not the same to people. What South Africa did for me is like what Oreo's did to milk or what cheese did to crackers (can you tell it's nearing time for a snack?) Anywho, you get the idea good in and of itself, but much much better with an added component.

Pre South Africa....

While I think did a pretty get job of my level of faith in what God can do, I can't say that I still had a mature view on what faith looks like. In addition to this, my ability to be grateful to God for my life in the mist of storms or moments of joy was lacking to say the least. Believing that God can really use anything and anyone to further His Kingdom was not quite fully believed in my spirit. Intellectually and analytically I believed, but deep in my spirit I shamefully doubted.

I'm a Mother-to-be!

Adoption/Fostering

I remember the little guy above and I remember meeting many orphans of various ages while I visited South Africa in the late spring of 2011.  It gave me a renewed hope that someday, if God should still see it fit, I would become an adoptive and/or foster mom.  Well, that time has come.  My career has stabilized, my support system has grown and my finances are in check.  I went through years of counseling to ensure my hurts and hangups were healed and now the time is really here.  I have a home study scheduled for January 23,  2013.  This will allow my foster care license to go active and officially allow me to be matched with a child who I can also adopt.  In order to do that I need a bit of help.  While I'm ready for the everyday care that comes with children, the up front cost are quite big.  In order for me to be licensed for any child, birth to 17, which is my desire, I have to quickly come up with all the following items needed for licensing.  I would hate to delay the process, but if I had to in order to remain financially responsible, I will.  Hopefully if you have any of the below items either gently used or new, I can expedite this process and get to this thing God has called me to do!  As things are donated, I will continue to cross them off the list.

Here is the list and where things stand;

Here is the list and where things stand;

Crib

Crib bedding - needed

baby boy and baby girl outfits for each age group - needed

0-3 months - needed

3-6 months - needed

9-12 months - needed

18 months - needed

1 package of diapers any size(s)

1 package wipes - needed

6 -10 complete baby bottles - needed

jar baby food any stages - needed

rice cereal - needed

rear facing and a forward facing car seat - needed

1 baby gate - needed

Infant/Toddler safety kit

 first aid kit fire extinguisher inspected and tagged within a year 

Twin bunk beds

2 dressers – needed

Twin beds and mattresses

Twin bedding

Inspected fire extinguisher

Stroller

James 1:27

English Standard Version (ESV)

²⁷ Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.

Can't get this thought out of my head

Remember that when you lock eyes with people that the person you're are looking at has endless worth to God. That person was someone God allowed his only son to die for.

Pre/Post South Africa, triathlons and the power of faith

A Few Words...for my readers with short attention spans

Before I get to deep into things....let me just say a huge THANKS to all those who financially and prayerfully supported me through my mission trip to South Africa. It has been a life changing trip. If you want hear a few of the stories and experiences please call, text or email me. I can't possibly type them all out on this blog. If you want to see some of the beautiful men, women and children we had the joy of interacting with please view the album in the upper right hand corner of my blog......now back to my regularly scheduled program....

Pre-South Africa

I feel like their are now two me's....as if one was not enough. There is the me that left for South Africa nearly three weeks ago and there's the me I see in the mirror today. I can most definitely tell you these are not the same to people. What South Africa did for me is like what Oreo's did to milk or what cheese did to crackers (can you tell it's nearing time for a snack?) Anywho, you get the idea good in and of itself, but much much better with an added component.

Pre South Africa....

While I think did a pretty get job of my level of faith in what God can do, I can't say that I still had a mature view on what faith looks like. In addition to this, my ability to be grateful to God for my life in the mist of storms or moments of joy was lacking to say the least. Believing that God can really use anything and anyone to further His Kingdom was not quite fully believed in my spirit. Intellectually and analytically I believed, but deep in my spirit I shamefully doubted.

His hands and His feet

Ms. Agnes, house mother to these boys.



The way that God is moving here is amazing. The Christian Life Centre here in Durban is one of the most amazing ministries I have experienced. We often speak of being the hands and feet of Jesus, but nothing I have seen compares to this ministries dedication to this saying that is over used at times. Today we feed about 30 children who will take loaves of breads back to their families. This is food they would normally have to go without or pay an extreme price marked up price for. Here are a few pictures from today and yesterday.
Getting to bake the days bread.



Marco, one of the many orphans here with positive HIV status being cared for by the Christian Life Centre



Sipo and Christian taught us how to bake the bread today.



Pastor Silva explaining how the bakery is sustainable.



The sign hanging up in their bakery.



The finished product.



Kimberky, our team leader w/Mbbale, another HIV orphan




BlogPress from my iPod

Location:Durban, South Africa-Christian Life Centre

Tow trucks, flowers and free dog hotels

The day before my departure for this trip I went to pick the last of donations my employer, Trinity Lutheran School, donated for to the littles I be meeting soon. I stopped by my classroom and my co-workers picked up a beautiful bouquets of flowers and cards. One of the cards was a sympathy card for my recent death of sister and the other was a card of blessings for the team and I for the work we'll be doing with orphans who have HIV/AIDS. I didn't want to wreck the flowers so I took them to my car first and arranged them in a way that they wouldn't fall over. I parked in the hotel lot adjacent to the school so that I could quickly gather everything up and get back home. Upon making the second trip back to the car I had a little surprise waiting for me. My car was hoisted up onto the back of a tow truck with the truck driver making the last of his dodad attachment things (how's that for technical towing talk). Anywho, He looked out at me and said, "Is this your car?" and I replied yes. He then went on to tell me that he knew it was somebody that would be coming back real soon because no one leaves fresh flowers inside a locked car in Florida. Then we just there. So, I said, in my most kindest presumtiousvoice, "it was so super kind of you to go as slow as possible just in case the person showed up. I feel so blessed by you and I glad I made it back in time for you to put it down so I can get going. With a rather perplexed look, he put my car down and said, "You're welcome....very perplexed tone and drove away. After he drove away, I'm not all that sure why, but I laugh completely and wholly out loud and think winked at God. Oh, and I'm pretty sure He winked back.
Now, in other news, what a day of departure I had. I woke up with Pink. Yep, crusted and gross. I called our trip ARNP to see what she recommended. Go to Centra Care...immediately. Ugh, I already slated three gabillion things to do and spending more money wasn't one of them. I had to take some dogs that I was sitting to WInter Garden and I had to get my own dog to the kennel, which was going to be costly. So, I started the errands. When I went to take care of my dogs kennel bill in advance they looked up the total....what for it....what for it...PAID. What?!?! Huh?? This is me dumbfounded. Whoever paid it wished to stay anonymous. Okey dokey. I didn't have to think about that it expense. Long story short...that more than covered my Dr's visit and the medication that was needed there after.



Going Deeper
What's most interesting to this above stuff is how much money I should have parted with during those 48 hours. Let's take a look shall we:
Towing-$267
Dog Kennel-$140
Dr's Office without insurance-$65 Prescriptions-$98
Right before I left, I'll be honest...I had brief debate in my mind about tithing. It's easy to tithe and do offerings when everything is going peach, but went the money belt get's pinched we quiver in our fallible human nature. We don't trust that the same God that's been there before will still be here now. Why do we do that? For real? Why?
I did complete my full tithe and my monthly offering to the my World Vision daughter got paid.

At the end of it I realize that it's all God's...all of it. I need not wax and wane at giving Him what's already His. He's got this and so much more well in control.
2Corinthians 9:6-8
Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

To this I say, "All my needs are met and I rejoice that you allow me to further Your Kingdom by giving".

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPod

Location:Plane to Johannesburg Less Than 3hrs

Puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks

Today has been a day where, at moments, I thought I would just melt into a crumpled up pile of tears. The day started off great. The tiny humans that I teach were in a great mood and the giggles were non-stop. At a little after ten o'clock this morning my biological Mom called. She left a message that I could barely understand. The tone and strain in her voice instantly told me that something was very wrong. I called her back as soon as I went on break.

She called to tell me that my oldest sister had died overnight. She had Lupus and the complications ravaged her body. She was 46. I got to see her last year and she barely could remember anything. I was thankful that she remembered me and was ecstatic to see me. Our contact had been very limited over the past 2 decades due to the estranged dysfunctional relationship I've had with my biological family.

The only thing I could think about was how awful it must be for my Mom to bury her firstborn daughter. I can't even begin to understand her pain. Then my heart broke for my nieces. I spoke with them shortly after speaking with my Mom. They are devastated. Lastly, my grief became inward for me because I was scheduled to leave for S. Africa in a little over 48 hours.

Going Deeper

As I do in most times I turned to God. I felt a strong affirmation that I am still to go to South Africa. In fact, I felt joy and beauty when my heart became peaceful over this thought of fulfilling this part of my life's journey. Here is were He lead my heart;

Luke 9:59-62

59 Jesus said to another, "Follow me." He said, "Certainly, but first excuse me for a couple of days, please. I have to make arrangements for my father's funeral."

60 Jesus refused. "First things first. Your business is life, not death. And life is urgent: Announce God's kingdom!"

61 Then another said, "I'm ready to follow you, Master, but first excuse me while I get things straightened out at home."

62 Jesus said, "No procrastination. No backward looks. You can't put God's kingdom off till tomorrow. Seize the day."

And to this I say, "Here am I, send me." Please pray for my family and please pray for me.

I AM LOVED! IT IS FINISHED...yes I'm screaming

I will not wallow in the shallow ends of love...instead I will brave the depths and dangers of loving people fully and unbridled, all the while, trusting that God will show me when to go deeper and when to let go. Can’t I at least trust Him for this? Can’t I trust the one who created love and relationships to begin with? The answer is yes and it’s not an answer that I want to give up for the rest of the world to hear. Apparently, somewhere in my independent living I thought I could love the way that I wanted to love.

Well, news flash. The way I love is mostly selfish, bitter, deceitful and often times empty. I never intended for it to be this way, but who does? I have learned that the love that we show is often a reflection of the love we received throughout our childhood. God intended for us to receive a wonderful and pure love that would provided us with a safe experimental ground to love others.....yep, this was another boat I missed while growing up an orphan. However, all is not lost because I serve a redemptive God. There may be illegitimate parents, but there has never been an illegitimate God.

The bottom line is that I AM LOVED and it gets expressed through so many ways.

Today I was at work (where I get to teach tiny humans AKA preschoolers). I got an important email notification from the leader of the team I'm going to South Africa alongside. Now, here is the preface to tme reading this email from my phone. I had just got through dealing with a rather challenging situation and had decided to go outside for a quick breather. It was during this brief outing that I felt a palpable since of being loved. This doesn't happen often people. I have a few close friends that I don't get to see nearly often enough and as you already know I don't have a family. Human love is at a premium in my world. So, in comes this email informing me of some donations that came into my fundraising account. Well, lo and behold I have reached my $3,500 goal needed to go to South Africa. As if just getting the feeling of being loved wasn't enough....He had to go and do that too. So there I was, walking around the playground near my classroom, crying joyful tears....swimming around in the deep ends of His love and to you I say...the water is perfect....come join me.

If you want to go deeper ponder these words Paul wrote....man I love this dude:

1. Let this wash over you Your Love is Extravagant

2. Read this...if you want too....

Colossians 2:2-6 (The Message)

2 I want you woven into a tapestry of love, in touch with everything there is to know of God. Then you will have minds confident and at rest, focused on Christ, God's great mystery. 3 All the richest treasures of wisdom and knowledge are embedded in that mystery and nowhere else. And we've been shown the mystery! 4 I'm telling you this because I don't want anyone leading you off on some wild-goose chase, after other so-called mysteries, or "the Secret." 5 I'm a long way off, true, and you may never lay eyes on me, but believe me, I'm on your side, right beside you. I am delighted to hear of the careful and orderly ways you conduct your affairs, and impressed with the solid substance of your faith in Christ. 6 My counsel for you is simple and straightforward: Just go ahead with what you've been given. You received Christ Jesus, the Master; now live him. 7 You're deeply rooted in him. You're well constructed upon him. You know your way around the faith. Now do what you've been taught. School's out; quit studying the subject and start living it! And let your living spill over into thanksgiving.

South Africa May 2011

Click here to give. South Africa May 2011

You've always wanted to be a part of a mission team

Please meet sweet little Jeremiah. He is in the AIDS hospice of the orphanage that I will be visiting and volunteering at while in Durban, South Africa.

Jeremiah was born to a 14 year old who was gang raped. The rapes traumatized her so badly that she literally became mentally challenged. She didn't know she was pregnant or know that she had a baby.

Jeremiah came to CLC when he was 4 months old. The rapists have tried to kill the girl two times so she can't testify against them.

Jeremiah, 9 months, has AIDS but has been thriving since he has been with CLC. But as you can see he is extremely frail and sick. Like him, about 50% of those who come to a hospice like this with love and prayer are able to last months and even years longer than expected.

If you would like to be a part of my team of supporters, please click the "Give now" link and select my name, GayBrielle Crawford. Gifts of any amount are accepted and helpful. Give now.

Be Celebrated

Today I had lunch with a 17 year old kid that clearly has experienced joy in his life. I could hear it in the way he spoke and the smile that radiated from his eyes. It was so refreshing to see someone this young have so much joy in their life. During our lunch he mentioned a video that he had seen on about a bus driver that was being celebrated because of his birthday.

Bus Driver Celebrated

A bus driver is still someone's important center of life that has given purpose to someone else's existence. We are also and thus, deserve to be celebrated in such a way that it surprises us. Why do we have such low expectations of being celebrated? Why aren't we exited and overjoyed about another year of life that we have been blessed to have on this earth? We are all here for a purpose. If people haven't forgotten to celebrate your life that doesn't mean you are forgotten. If you are reading this, know that I celebrate you. I am thankful for your life and you matter more than you'll ever know! If you know someone who has yet to be celebrated in a way that lets them know they matter, why not start planning that surprise and make it happen for them. You will never regret celebrating another's person existence in life.....never.

Last, but certainly not least, don't forget to celebrate yourself. Realize your importance internally and let that shine outwardly on your face (ever so humbly I might add). Then your joy of life will create a ripple effect on those around you. If you don't believe me I can set you up to have lunch with this 17 year old kid.

Delight in someone...give them your true smile.

Smiles are funny things....mostly a transparent indication of how someone is feeling. My observation has been that if someone is legitimately happy to see you, their smile radiates from the core of who they are. There becomes an effortless joy that spills out from their eyes. They embrace you before you ever even physically hug. Isn't that just the best feeling in the world.

Very seldom do I see adults express this type of emotion. However, when I see the faces of the children I know and care for, not only do I emit this joyful smile, they often beat me to the punch with their own heart piercing smile. I don't know about you, but it's so great to receive that kind of welcome. As I reflect on this, I think about my countdown to South Africa.

I'm excited. I'm scared. I'm anxious. I'm stressed. As I try to gear up my heart and mind for the experience of facing dying children and adults living in poverty I wonder when is the last time they've seen a comforting, "I'm sooooo happy to see you that I can feel the joy in bones" smile. I want the smile I give to be that smile that says, "You're welcomed here and I love you because of the way Christ loves me", but I afraid that I might show all the fear and anxiety instead. Like so many other things, I can only pray and prepare my heart with the things I know to be true as of this moment. I cling to these verse and promises when I find myself needed a fresh and tru way to really smile at other people;

2Cor 10:3,4,5 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh. (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strongholds.) Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, and

bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.

2Cor 12:9,10 My grace is sufficient for you: for My strength is made perfect in weakness...… for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Eph 3:16 That He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man.

Eph 6:10 Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might.

Phil 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Col 1:11 Strengthened with all might, according to His glorious power, unto all patience and

long-suffering with joyfulness.

2Tim 2:1 You, therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.

2Tim 4:17 Notwithstanding the Lord stood with me, and strengthened me.

Heb 11:33,34 Who through faith subdued kingdoms, wrought righteousness, obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions, quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight.

1Pet 5:10 But the God of all grace, who has called us unto His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that you have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.

1Jn 2:14b I have written to you, young men, because you are strong, and the Word of God abides in you, and you have overcome the wicked one.

Rev 12:10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of His Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.

So, your load is heavy? This makes more sense....

“I hear religious minded people say all the time with good intentions. ‘God will never place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it.’
Really?
My experience is that God will place a burden on you so heavy that you cannot possibly carry it alone. He will break your back and your will. He will buckle your legs until you fall flat beneath the crushing weight of your load. All the while He will walk beside you waiting for you to come to the point where you must depend on Him.
‘My power is made perfect in your weakness,’ He says, as we strain under our burden.
Whatever the burden, it might indeed get worse, but know this-God is faithful. And while we change and get old, He does not. When we get weaker, He remains strong. And in our weakness and humility, He offers us true, lasting, transforming, and undeserved grace.”

-Greg Lucas

It's the most wonderful time of the year....almost

Well, the holidays are quickly approaching. For many people this means the gathering of loved ones, great food to eat and new memories to be made. For me it means....well, it means something that I can't even describe.

It's a mix of emotions and moods that last for varying amounts of times until about mid January. No matter what invitations I get, none feel right and no matter what option I choose, the roads lead to the same place. Perhaps I can best describe these feeling as a mix between watching someone you really love be seriously ill and being the last kid picked to play kickball. You really want to fix something that can't be

fixed and you want to be more importantly needed than a parking meter that has to be fed to avoid a ticket.

You want to know that something can't be unless you are the thing that makes it work. You want to know that there is an empty space at someone's table, couch or campsite because you are the person that usually occupies that place.

No matter how old you are, where you come from or how you got from there to here, you just want to know that you matter. Instead of letting this get me down, I look for ways to make sure I let other people know that they do matter. That they are missed and that my life can't be unless their life is a part of this world. I think this is how true inclusive love should be.

Because I'm fandom

Yes, fandom.....freaking + random = fandom. I don't know how I became the fandom person I am, but clearly it is my new normal. Today I had a million plans and canceled them all to do nothing. Not because I'm tired, overwhelmed or even disinterested. I have more energy than I know what to do with, most of my schedule is underwhelming, and I can even find something interesting about the inside of a brown paper bag. The only explanation I give to my schedule clearing, thumb flying texting this day is I'm fandom. So, please pardon me while I enjoy the rest of my fabulously fandom day.

Now or Never

There is no turning back, what I set in motion is about to explode and change my life forever. I can tell this is the start of something different and amazing. I just have to keep looking forward. The naysayers and negative grandstands have to fade from my mind. My success and ability to thrive is depending on it. It is most definitely now or never and I choose now!

Not afraid to be me

Why is it that when we have a conversation we have to hold back and put on a "face" for those we are speaking with. I have decided that unless it's work related I am going to let it all hang out.

I got a new puppy

Okay, for the last year I have been in mourning over the loss of my last two dogs Sage and Winnie. Due to circumstances beyound my control they found a new home on a 16 acre ranch in the Davenport area. I spoke with their new Mom and she adores them both, but I can't have them back. The good news is that they both love her too.

Recently, I gave into a really awesome inpusle buy. I got a dog. It was the best impulse buy I ever made. I absolutely love her. She is by far the sweetest and most gentle dog I have ever had. Her name is Gracey. I promise that even none dog lovers fall in love with her. Yep, she is just that sweeet. So folks, here she is Gracey the Great.......................

My boyfriend turned one!!!

So, they say that the first year of the relationship is the hardest. Bubbie and I found this to be so true. All the early morning screaming about sleeping in, the silent mealtimes when we just don't talk at all and of course we are going through that special stage. You know the one where they keep threatening that they are going to stand up and walk out on you all by themselves. It's been quite the year, but neither of us would trade it for the world.

He keeps trying to propose to me with his pacifier. I told him it's too early in the relationship and I can't except it.
Someday I might give in. Here are a few of our precious moments together during our one year anniversary party. (I mean his first birthday)


In this picture he wanted to show me what it would be like on our wedding day. So he fed me a piece of the cake.






This picture really captures what it likes sometimes with us. I smile and say everything is okay. He fills his mouth with food so we don't have to talk about it.











This is why we keep falling in love everyday. Here we are slow dancing to our favorite song. It is the sound of our two voices singing in two part harmony, no particular key. We actually have called it the car alarm song. It's the first song we heard together as a couple. Now he wakes up singing it and it is often the last song he sings before he goes to sleep. Yep, ladies and gentlemen, I am telling you these moments make it all worth it sometimes.








Oh how the time fly's. It seems like only yesterday he was all shacked up in his mom's place. The only way we could communicate back in those days were to scream through the walls. He tried to move back in this week, but his Mom wouldn't let him.

Yep, you got me

Now I know why I never got a blog when everybody else did. I stink at it. Everyone got all these expectations for me to actually write in this thing regularly. I have been have enough trouble just taking my contacts out every night, let alone maintain a blog. I will try to do better. Now when i say better, I really just mean like at least one posting a month. Hopefully, I will get better with time.
Okay, so what's new?? I applied for and was accepted for a mission trip to Africa with my church. The only problem is a day be before they sent the e-mail I called the group leader to back out. i seriously don't think I can raise the money. In addition to that, the window that I thought I would have to do it in got shorten. Like major freak out shorten. Being the planner I am this just didn't sit well. So, and had to leave a message stating I was backing out because no one answered. The group leader called me back and said, "let's talk through this". Being the chicken I am I have called back. I am too afraid that God will go....oh you are going because I said you are and then he will like take my hip bone from it's socket or something. I keeping all these mixed singles to go and then not to go. Today I have asked God to send me e-mail or leave a message personally if he would like me to go. Since he knows me well, he should I can't work in all these abstract signs and themes about what to do. I will let you know how that goes.
I am sure I am going to be posting a blog soon about my $3,700 fund raising miricle and how awesome God is. Maybe maybe not, but that's the financial price. Not to mention that I am giving up my two weeks of vacation to do this. That's alot when you work then entire year for 8-12 hour days. Only to, "Go on vacation" to work. Just in cause you are wondering the purposes of the trip is for preventable diseases. We will be focusing on AIDS prevention, education and also be caring for some end stages AIDS patiences. What was I thinking??? I am going to be an emotional wreak if I do this. Well, we'll see if God breaks that hip bone or not.
Ciao